Bookshelf update+daily catch up

Hey guys!

Because of the terrible weather -meaning heat and storms, and striking lightnings around me- my brain decided to shut down so all I did was updating the bookshelf more or less with the things I read. There'll be more to come but I couldn't think straightly in this humid air.
I developed an obsession for biographies at quite an early age, and that was mostly what I read lately, some good, some not so good. There's a chance of a few review of the books, depending on the weather.

I planned to write a new chapter for my Friday Night Light story today but the previously mentioned weather stopped me from doing that. For those who read it, I can promise the next update is going to be fun with Eric's reaction about his baby girl moving in with no one else but Tim Riggins, and of course, Tyra has to make an appearance as well.

Despite of Zeus trying to kill me with lightnings, I have a new idea for my Arrow fic as well. That old dude can't scare me, ha! All I can tell is that someone is going to show up, putting our favourite IT girl into a very awkard situation, and of course, all this thanks to Laurel.

Talking about Arrow, reminds me of all the hype around Comic Con, and the awesome news about the next season. Be aware, SPOILERS!

After watching the trailer for the new season, I became even more certain that Oliver is going to kick Felicity out of the team. For one, saying they can't be together because he'd put her in danger, would be nonsense. Anyone who pays attention to the Arrow, all of his enemies must know by now that the blonde is his sore point. Also, judging by the trailer -Felicity laying on the cold metal bed, covered in blood- there's no way Oliver would take the risk of her dying ever again. I have a feeling, Miss Bett was right to say hearts are going to break after the first episode.
I also understand why Oliver doesn't want Dig to go with him to any mission, with Ra's al Ghul turning up in the city everything becomes even more dangerous. Diggle is going to be a daddy, and Oliver wouldn't want to take responsibility for making his kid(s) orphan.
And then there's what I've been waited for so long; finally, Ra's al Ghul is in Starling. I hope they do this well because I think with the mention of the name all fans started to have even higher expectations.
Wildcat is going to turn up, related to Laurel. I truly hope this means that they won't push the romantic line between our hero and Miss Lance because let's admit; they screwed that up right in the beginning: for one, there's no chemistry between the two actors, plus, the story line they wrote for them made it impossible to like them together, or Laurel alone, really.

So this is it for today. Lemons for all!

The question of the name

So here I am after all these years of thinking about this story... This story about a girl who isn't anything what she thought she was and I'm stuck because of a name. How can it be so difficult to find a name for a male character? But then how can someone be as difficult as this mentioned man? He refuses to smile. No matter what I do with him, he doesn't want to give me a small little smirk either. That's how darn complicated with him. I know I made him but now he seems to have his own ways without a name...
First his name was Giorgio, later on Giovanni... I planned him to be Italian but then how someone as stoic as him could be from the South, right? Southern people are passionate, and even though he isn't completely cold, he doesn't fit that.
Then I figured Hayden would be fitting. However, I found that too soft, if you know what I mean, and the same was true about Aidan.
Right now I'm considering Rainer. Though, I'm not entirely happy with that either. He might be a difficult, very controlled man but not blunt. Rainer sounds like... I don't know someone like Schwarzenegger, like Conan and my man isn't like that. He's thoughtful, and serious but not blunt for God'sake.
Now I'm back to square one with no name for him. Take a warrior, an honorable but definitely not perfect man who has his own dark secrets and find him a name. That's my task for now.

Back after 3 years

So I'm back to blogging after almost 3 years... Hopefully, this time I'll be more faithful to my non-existent readers. My English -despite of my British boyfriend- is still not perfect so bare with me, please.
I added my new fanfictions to the sidebar. In case anyone was wondering, I still haven't finished, or shall I say started my original story. Actually, that's a lie because I wrote about 10 pages, that's something, isn't it?
I'm also going to update the books that I read, and the ones I plan to. You can never know, maybe someone will get interested.
I plan to dedicate the blog to my writing now, including my fanfics and my barely started original story. However, there might be some personal entries in the future. We'll have to see what the future holds.

Lemons for everyone just so you wake up.

Awake and alive

The last few weeks were crazy, like totally and absoulutely insane. First of all, I got a job!!!!! It's only for a few months, but it pays and it's a job so I'm quite happy about it. It's in a bank. I swear, people are so f*ing dumb they would even sign to sell out their insides. But I like it. The boss is awesome, I don't even see her around. And people with their idiotism can be entertaining, they break the monotonity. Also, no work at the weekend.


About Danny... We fell apart again. It was nasty, really, really big. But we talked it over (again). I decided to be smart and bend just a little because it would have been a dead end if neither of us had loosened a bit. I pulled away, what made him withdraw, what made me pull even further so it was nonsense. I let down my guards for him in general, this can only work this way and it makes him to open up as well. They broke with Jess. I felt so damn guilty when he told me, for one, I was a bitch with him and for two, there was a tiny moment, a blink of a time when I was happy about it. Of course, my next thought was that he was hurt and what a terrible person I was to feel good but I couldn't help it. Oh, well, I'm a human being and I'm selfish sometimes, can't help it. But it's fine, I'm working my way through my messed up mind. It's time for that.

Dancing on broken glass

Sooo... Things are a bit slippery nowadays. I thought after our grown up talk with Danny we could manage. It worked for a while. We did great. I did great. I deal with the situation quite well. Even my walls loosened a bit around him. And amazingly, I realized if I let him closer, he let me closer as well. We had even more adult conversation.
But after a while somehow I sensed Danny getting distant. It wasn't screaming at my face, just little by little. The sword has floated above our heads silently, barely recognizable but it's been there. And then bang, on Wednesday rage hit me again. We agreed to meet back at the bafe in the evening, no exact time, just in the evening. I was waiting for him all evening like a whore beside the road but he didn't show up. I had good time with the others and I didn't want to call him, making myself look desperate but around 11 I couldn't take it more. He forgot to give me a call he met Kitty and they went to his place. I swallowed my anger and said it was fine. But it wasn't fucking fine. I accepted I'm not the first, not the one. I don't act like a brat. But he crossed a line there. I ignore him for a bit, don't wanna get in a fight. Not that I didn't manage that already. I had a fallout with Leigh only because he wanted to help and asked what was wrong. But he should have known better than push, for God sake. I told him I didn't want to talk about it but he didn't leave me alone. I was a bitch with him. So if the Danny situation wouldn't be enough, I have to find a way to make it up to Leigh.
I've got no clue what's going on in that head of Danny but he'd better put his shit together. I wonder if we should just stop talking to each other in general. Maybe that would be the best...

So at least we're practical enough...

So I talked to Danny. Amazingly, we managed without any of us yelling ugly things at the other, getting distracted by the other's body, even without smartass comments. It was time to come clean. This whole thing, and the way I reacted for him and Jess stucked in my chest. I was so angry that I couldn't breath. I was angry at Danny, Jess and mostly at myself. I was pissed at myself because I knew I could have Danny if I weren't so damn tough, and also because I felt like shit for not being happy for them. Jess is awesome, and I really do mean that and Danny is important for me but the two of them together... I was jealous, I still am but it's different now.
One of Danny's greatest feature is that he knows when to leave me alone. I needed time so I wouldn't bite his throat. Yesterday I went to him. I admit, I missed him and I had such a catastrophical day I knew he would appreciate it.
The elephant was still in the room. It wasn't really awkward, I'd rather say tensed. We were laughing at my clumsiness, talked over his day and all what we normally do but it floated above us mercilessly. Then, only God knows where that came from, I said, "Okay, I guard down. Let's talk." Of course, he was totally shocked, he couldn't say a word for God knows how long, he just stared at me dumbly. But then we talked, no mind games, no walls, no half truth/half lies, just the brutal honesty from both of us. And did it feel fantastic.
Finally, we talked our thing over, cards on the table. That conversation saved our friendship. The thing is, he thinks I would end up hurt if we got together, I think the same, only the other way around, in the end we agreed we would both end up hurt. We are like wounded animals, dangerous to get close to. Danny is the exact same mess as me and if that two would collide... The result is unknown but we both know it wouldn't be pretty. We are both scared of letting the other too close, causing pain to the other, also of getting hurt again. The conslusion was that at least we know we are dangerous.
So that's it, the tale of two cowards. But this, what we have is something meaningful, something rare and we both treasure it, not worth to risk it for the illusion of something bigger, something better what might not be there behind the walls.

Better out alone

I didn't really have anything to write about, things kind of settled down for a while. That *while* ended at Friday night. It's my fault. And I don't deal with it very classy but don't run so forward, let's see what happened.
After our nasty fall out with Danny we both calmed down, got into a very comfy daily routine. It really was surprisingly good, just hanging together, laughing our heart out, teasing each other (within rational lines we silently agreed about), just enjoying each other's company. I should have known it was too good to last.
It's already started on Wednesday. I helped a friend of mine to plan her wedding. It was a helluva lot of work, we did it in less than 2 weeks and then BANG, her low life fiance knocked up a chick. Of course, there were countless tears and all you want in a situation like that. I was very pissed, especially because I couldn't tell the dude off, given he was in the UK. I believe this was the first nail in our coffin. It just reminded me why not to trust anybody.
Then came Friday when Kitty showed up at the bafe, crying her heart out because her boyfriend dumpt her. I knew they had problems, living in a long distance relationship is never easy. Jason (her boyfriend) moved to the US a few months ago. Lately he neglected her and whatever Kitty tried, didn't work. I would have understood his reasons for breaking things with her but not the way he did it. That was beyond cruel. Kitty sent a mail to him the other day that they should talk if he had time (they didn't talk for days by then because he always got something more important to do) and he answered something like this: "Clearly, you are not capable to live in a healthy relationship. Go back to your corner where I found you. Find another poor bastard." Now *that* just pissed me off. How dare he? Who does he think he is?
I guess I don't have to say for the time Kitty left and Danny arrived I wasn't in the brightest of moods. Then he shared the big news about how he got together with Jess and I simply lost it. I broke. It wasn't because he hurt me, *I* hurt myself. He only made it worse, letting me cry it all out, saying things I needed to hear, making me laugh, holding me all night. Again, he was there when I needed him the most. I let this go too far though, or shall I say I let him get too close to the real me. We often joke about my "walls" and how nobody sees behind them. He saw the surface once and this time I let him go even further. That was a mistake, big time.
So what does a mature, adult woman do at times like these? Hide. Yes, I'm hiding. Juvenile? Yes. Could I trust him? Yes. Do I want to? No. Am I coward? Again, yes. Do I give a damn? No. I need to put some distance between us for real this time. I don't know how he does it but I open up to him without realizing what I do and that's just bad. I'm already an emotional mess and I've got enough to deal with. I will have to get back to my "untouchable" act before things got out of hand for good. I don't wanna be a bitch with him, hurt him. Surely, I would be, my alarm set off, sirense scream in my head, !DANGEROUSLY CLOSE! I would push him to the end of his patience and I don't want that. So hiding it is until I gather myself back together and be the cold bitch everybody knows and loves.