Behind the name

I believe we've got our names with a good reason and that it truly defines who we are. I am the perfect example for my theory. "Szandra" comes from the old Greek name Alexandra/Alexander. The meaning is protector, fighter for/against men. This leads us to the story of my (currently non-existent) love life.
First of all, I'm absoulutely a one-man's girl. And that's true ever since I know my mind. If I find the (un)lucky one, I'll stay for a long, long time and if needed (what usually is in my case), I'll fight until my last breath, probably even after that.
Let's start with my first big crush in kidergarten. "B" was every little girls dream. There are those kind of guys who everybody wants and yes, it starts right in kindergarten (or maybe in créche, i can't know that). So I was in love with the guy. I've got great memories of those times. I remember one time I even made my nephew to write a love letter for him :giggles: Of course, poor kid got no clue about what was going on. Probably his biggest problem was how to build a decent castle out of sand. But the point is that I've already fought for my man at that age. I got into a fight in the bathroom with another girl over him. It was a real catfight. You can never start too early :LOL:
Then came elementary school and surprise, surprise, I again fell for the one everyone wanted. And got in a fight again! (Okay, gotta admit that wasn't because of a male but because I wanted to be couple in the line with a girl but my all time frenemy got there before me) If I recall correctly, "G" was the only male I didn't have to suffer for or save from anybody/anything. We were in love :) And I went to my first date with him. My Mom and "G"'s mom came behind us, while we were walking, hand in hand. I even went to their place and he came to us. He was a very special young man. He gave me the last piece of his chocolate :D Now, tell me, what could possibly prove one's love more than that? I know, nothing. That's the ultimate sacrifice.
After "G" was transfered tragically to another school there was a year break in my love life. Probably preparation time for "R1". "R1" was also preparation for "R2", but only later about him. So "R1" again, the most popular one. (What is it with me that I always want the best? Ah, yeah, the disadvantages of being maximalist, I guess) It all started out great. We were in 5th grade and he was one of my best friends. Then I started to fall for him and friendship became something more, for me at least. I was madly in love with the guy. But, given that I've got some weight problems, also I was the kind of girl who was mostly a "dude" for boys, well, I've never admitted to him how I felt. (He still doesn't know. It was hilarious when we met an old friend who knew about my feelings and we laughed how silly the whole stuff was and "R1" just stood there dumbly and kept asking what we were talking about.) I suffered silently and supported him in every possible way. I got him a girlfriend, dealt with his relationship problems and always had his back. For example one time our form master totally freaked out when "R1" did something stupid and she wanted to talk to him, give him a lecture and I went with him. She was like "What the heck is wrong with you? You need a girl to protect you?". Now, that was funny. Actually, he did because he was a little bunny. Not even good looking and he's got a terrible voice, like a mouse. Only God knows what we all saw in him. But I managed to get over him (after 2 years of unrequited love), realizing he wasn't good enough for me anyway. Ha, already got the attitude.
There was a quick flick with "B2" who was again "the" man at the time and I was the lucky one he wanted. Unfortunately he got kicked out of school after burning the class' register. He was a good guy, really :P
And then came the ultimate crash, "R2" on 31st May, 2001, 7th grade and there was the "AHA" feeling. (I truly hope this "AHA" thing doesn't come only once in a life time because then I'm screwed big time) What could I say about him? "R2" was 2 years older, the most popular guy of the school, the one who everybody called "THE R2", something like the jocks in American high schools and I couldn't believe he laid eyes on me. Oh, because it was him, not me. I could have cared less about him. I knew who he was and I truly didn't give a sh*t about him otherwise. But that tiny moment when our eyes met sealed my fate for the rest of my life.
I'm not going to babble about how I realized that "damn, I love that idiot" or get into deep details because this is a story what would fill a nice thick book. The point is that I put my life to save him. My whole existence centred round him and his well being. My only aim of walking on Earth was to protect him, save him and make him happy (even if that person who made him happy wasn't me. I literally gave him to another girl when I thought he loved her). I broke my very own rule about not loving a junkie, ditched school, forgot about studying, anti-socialized, my own well being was the very last thing I could have cared about. When they say in movies/books the cheesy line, "You are like drug." it sounds very cliche but from personal experience I can tell it's true, you can get addicted to another person. I fought for his life like nothing else mattered in the world and really, for me didn't.
There were good times and bad times. Okay, mostly bad but the good was like nothing else I've ever experienced. My Mom often mentions how she knew if something good happened because she could heard it as I walked, my steps were light like I was flying above the ground.
"R2" got some very valuable features. Such as he was the only person in the world I've ever obeyed to. I've never been obedient, just ask my Mom. Disagreement is in my blood. If one says "yes", I'll say "no", if one says "no", I'll say "yes". I love resisting and just do whatever I want, even if I know it's stupid. If I made up my mind, there's nobody in the whole universe who can stop me. But amazingly he's got the talent to stop me, to make me listen to him, to get his way with me, to make me tell him anything and everything. I let down my natural guards, the ones what kept people in a decent 3 steps away from me and let him in completely.
However, this love damaged me. I'm not going to lie about it, it did. I depended on the man. He wasn't even like drug for me, he was air and I could have only breathed when I knew he was alright. For years I only existed. The loss of him, the losing of the war I fought, all haunted me, it was always in the back of my mind that I let him down, I lost the fight, I did everything for nothing, bared the humilation, the hurt, the pain, dealt with a psycho b*tch who wanted to know me 6 feet under ground for a f*cking big nothing.
That was my first and last fail ever. Whatever happens I always manage somehow, maybe on the hard way but I do. However, not that time. At least, that was what I thought. Then one night when I had trouble with sleeping again I realized that I was wrong all along. The only thing I prayed for (desperate times, you can tell) was his well being, his happiness. I kept repeating everyday "I didn't care if we would be together or not unless he was fine." And he is fine. I got him out alive, mentally healthy and he could move on with his life. So after all, I won.
I managed to get into the topic deeper than I planned to but well, hell, at least I proved my point. My name really define me. I fight for my man all the way.