Frenemies for more than 20 years

Let's talk about Kitty a bit. What a history we've got. Not to mention how incredibley old we are! We know each other since we were 3 years old! More than 20 years, people! Wow, almost unbelievable. It was a shocking realization. We found some old photos and that was when it hit. We laughed histerically. Frenemies through good and bad, kinder garten, elementary, high school and now we met again. In our case we can talk about karma. No matter how many knives we put in each others' back (and believe me, I have a whole collection of her knives, given it was her all the time who betrayed me), we just end up next to each other. Funny how she hated me ever since the first day we met when we were only rugrats and still we are kinda friends. God, how many fight we had.
We fought over !dolls! in kinder garten. There was a rivalization over a !girl! between us, we got in a cat fight, like I mentioned in a previous post. Sometimes around 5th grade, I helped her to get together with my best friend, of course, we ended up not talking to each other again. We almost made high school through as friends, at least the first part. Then she bailed on me when things seemed to get lost for me. And since then, well, we started to talk again not so long ago.
I wonder if this time it would work out, or not. The main problem was that Kitty was jealous of me. Maybe that changes now, given he's got the man, and the possibility of an awesome future and I struggle. Maybe now she's in a better position we will stop being frenemies and we will be friends.

Shifting sand

Insert a huge sigh here. This was one crazy weekend. And yes, it was my fault, i know, i know. Like my dear friend, Anamia pointed out my life is like a bad soap opera, so why not write it as a bad story?

I decided to call Saturday a shot night. I was pondering, which one to go with tequila or whiskey and the lucky winner was the second one. A good whiskey is like a good man. It's rough and soft at the same time, makes me shiver, still burns all the way.
I went to the bafe, in hope to have some fun and let go at least a bit of my frustration. It was surprisingly quiet, especially for a Saturday night. Given no one was there who I knew, I sat to the bar.

"Quite here," I sighed, looking around again.

"Yeah, glad you came. The girls went out to party and the others, I dunno," Pete, the bartender shrugged.

"I will make a party for you," I winked at him.

"Whiskey or tequila?" He laughed, rummaging behind the bar.

"Whiskey and make it double," I grinned, remembering why I loved that place so much. It's great when you can go somewhere, where there'll be at least one familiar face for sure.

For about 10pm my mood got better, thanks for the shots and Pete. I was laughing so hard at one of his terrible jokes even my tears rolled out. That's when Danny arrived. I wasn't counting on him that night but was glad he came, even if yesterday I wanted to beat him up.

"Dannyyyy!!!" I screamed, jumping on him. Obviously, alcohol worked in my system.

"Hey chicka," he laughed, catching me. "Whiskey?"

"How did you know?" I laughed, too as he put me back on my feet. "Hey, sorry about being a bitch yesterday."

"I'm used to it," he shrugged with a smirk as we walked to our usual seats.

"Shut up, jerk," I smacked him on the shoulder.

"So guards low?" He glanced at me, sitting down.

"Yup," I nodded, side stepping a chair.

"Perfect, makes it easier," he grinned, pulling me on to his lap.

"Not that low, Mister," I rolled my eyes, starting to stand up.

"How about if I tell you I broke up with Kimi?" He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

"That might change things," I answered, my mouth curling up. I knew whatever would happen next, wouldn't do any good but I didn't give a shit about it in that moment. There's no reason to deny, I felt incredebly good where I was.

"Thought so," he smirked, resting his hands on my waist.

"Or not," I smirked, stood up and walked away.

I actually only went to the storage because Pete asked for cocktail cherries but it was a great opportunity for some teasing and I wasn't in a mood to miss it. Of course, Danny was game and followed me back.

"What are we looking for?" He asked as i opened the door.

"Ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb," I grinned, pointing at one of the shelf.

"I'm glad you are in a better mood, like more your smartass side than the depressed one," he hugged me. Fuel and cinnamon... And boy, did I miss those strongs arms around me...

"I believe we have an agreement there," I said, hugging back.

I wouldn't go into deep details about how I ended up pinned in between a shelf and Danny's body, be enough that I did. My mind was clouded, but my reasonable part screamed so loud I couldn't ignore it for long.

"Stop," I pushed on Danny's chest a bit, in attempt to move him further.

He took a step back, looking at me and did I hate that look...

"How I knew you would do this," he groaned, starting to pace.

"Do what?" I asked him, irritated.

"Back out," he snorted and I wanted to kick him.

"Back out?" I raised my voice, crossing my arms over my chest. "Of what? Fucking in the storage? Sorry, Danny boy, you should know better than that."

"Oh, yeah, because it would be different if we weren't here, right? Like the where would change anything," he glared at me, raising his voice as well.

"Clearly, it wouldn't change how reliable you are," I snapped.

"There you go," he laughed without humor. "Guard up, Sandy. Bring on your infamous offensive defense tactic."

Offensive defense?! And Sandy? He really did want to piss me off.

"Because I'm not right, hm? Think about it a bit, Jess, Lindsay and only God knows who else and of course, don't forget about sweet little Kimi."

"Why the hell do you think I got together with Kimi?!" He yelled at me.

"Because she's cute like a puppy and easy to..."

"Because I started to fall for you!" He cut me in midsentence, pushing me off balance.

He did not say that. I didn't want that. I didn't want to get in a mess. It was all perfect, he didn't want anything serious and nor did I. We just messed around.

"I'm going home," I stated, starting out.

"That's it, Sandy, run, you're great in that," he called after me.

"Obviously, not as great as you are," I glared back at him.

I grabbed my jacket, waved to Pete and rushed out. It was good to be outside, the chilly air cleared my mind a bit. How is that I always end up in such dramas? I was walking slowly when I realized I was followed.

"What are you doing?" I sighed, not even looking back, I knew it was Danny.

"You didn't think I would let you be on the streets alone after dark, did you?"

That's how we ended up, walking side by side in complete silence. The funny thing is, it wasn't uncomfortable, or awkward. Maybe that's the way we are, just fight it out and then everything would be fine.

"We suck," Danny sighed as we turned to our street.

"Yeah, actually, you suck, I'm awesome," I laughed at him.

"You are," he pulled me to his body, patting a kiss on the top of my head.

"Back in black?" I glanced up at him, stopping in front of our house.

"Back in black," he nodded, hugging me tightly.

"Good, I don't wanna lose you," I murmured, hugging back.

Things since then are quite calm, we are doing good. Okay, we minimized the touches and all that but it's better this way. Neither of us want to get into this deep, so we just keep it simple.

Fucking perfect

Yes, dark mood again. The bank breathing down on my neck, not to mention the other bills, Dad does pretty much nothing to get money from somewhere, still no job and no scholarship.

I think I forgot to write about the scholarship. It would have been in a media school where I was on a job interview. The director really liked me (no clue what he saw in me, never wanted to be an actress, never thought I'd be talented in that). The school gives scholarships for the bests but not full scholarship. I told them I couldn't give them a single forint and the director guy said he would fight for me to get a full one. But the school is in deep shit (because they were too generous) and said they had to accept somebody who could pay.

There's the job at the radio. I can't plan on it, even if it's supposed to be 100%. I always say it's sure when I get it. So job at a radio from September, I hope it's true. Though, still gotta find something 'til then.

About the Danny situation. It became extremely emberassing because Kimi just likes me too much. Not that I've got a problem with her but for one, it's a bit awkward because of Danny, and for two, I'm not in the friendliest mood lately and she irritates me with her bubbly sweetness. I try to minimize the conversation between us but she's like glue. She gives me a headache. Danny acts the way he's supposed to act, aka he's a jerk. We barely talk to each other. I try to avoid him and he does the same. He preoccupies himself with Jess (yes, still flirting shamelessly). Kimi doesn't seem to mind. I believe because even if they are together for some unknown reason, they'd rather like big bro' and little sis'.
Actually, we not only don't talk to each other. Yesterday we almost started to fight. We are like a ticking bomb. I was sitting there alone (wasn't in the mood for people) when Paul asked me to sit with him because it wasn't okay for me to pout alone there. I said I wasn't the best company and Danny said something like this: "Sush you woman, you are the best company one can ever get." And I snapped at him, "yeah, because I'm fucking perfect." The tention could have been cut but then Kimi arrived and started to ramble about some freakin' movie, so thanks for her we didn't bite each other's throat.

Anyway, I'll call tonight a shot night, will decide later if tequila or whiskey. Be bad y'all.

Miley and pink are soooo cool

Wow, I got such a dejavu... Dejavu is bad, we all know that since Matrix. Fail in the system and it isn't any different this time either.
Let's start with the funny part. So Kimi... Oh, sweet Lord, I'm truly interested for how long those two will stay together. I was talking to Leigh (another friend) when I heard Kimi saying having a baby grossed her out. Something grew in her and how disgusting that was. I looked at Danny who sat there, staring at her with wide eyes and almost laughed out loud. That face was priceless, should have made a photo. Then we talked about the radio I might get a job at from September. I said it was totally awesome and all, except for the music because they played club music (dance, trance etc.) And what did Kimi say? What's wrong with that? She loved it, rather that than rock. It was hilarious, knowing Danny is as much as a rock fan as me. He asked if she truly meant that and she was like yeah, i love Miley, too. Oh my God, I had to go to the bathroom, I started to laugh so hard. Before I forget, little Kimi's fave color is... PINK!!! Seriously, I might be evil but it's hysterical to watch Danny's face when these infos hit him.
Now to the dejavu part. Kimi's got a big sister who thinks she owns the place. I can't stand Cassie from the very first moment we met. Anyway she came to the bafe (yes, it's a bafe, cafe daytime, bar at night), went straight to Danny, asking how Kimi was. Danny shrugged, saying he sent her a text in the morning, and got no answer. (I would like to mention here that he called me at least once in every 2 hours after my melt down for a whole week, just to make sure I was okay.) Cassie growled something at him and started out, crashing into ME! I wasn't about to let it go but didn't want to make a public scene, so I went after her outside and asked if she got a problem. Turned out she's pissed at me because Danny rambles about me 24/7. Pff, I was like how the fuck is that my fault?! I told her I didn't want anything from him and she could ask anybody, I didn't touch a hair on him ever since he told me the big news. She didn't seem to be convinsed, said something about how she didn't want her sister to get hurt because she knew everybody thought we belonged together with Danny, even Kimi did. I told her again, she got no reason to be worried, at least not about me. This whole stuff reminded me of my ex and me, and urgh, reminded me why i don't wanna do this.

Not again...

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ! Why? And again I ask why??? Why do I have this god damn savior complex? Seriously, I swear I was wired in the wrong way. And why do I keep finding messed up men?
Let's get to the point. I've got a feeling Danny boy isn't so happy with little Kimi. I thought about it before because he didn't seem to be happy at all, rather frustrated but I shrugged it off, thinking it was only because of the "keep it low" part but I'm not so sure anymore.
I kept 3 steps distance all evening what wasn't pleasant at all but what's gotta be done is gotta be done. Danny tried to get closer but I preoccupied myself with the others. Of course, I talked to him a few words when he joined the conversation, it would have been weird if I hadn't, especially that he jumped on each and every oppurtunity to talk to me. When I realized Kitty was watching us suspiciously, I remembered I didn't even ask how he was, so I did. And what the answer was? He would let me know when he figured. Instead of grabbing him to a corner and pulling out of him what was wrong, I laughed, saying sounds like a plan. At least I'm improving. I'm trying hard not to get in a fight for a man's well being again. I need someone who fights for me and not the other way around.
But it's damn hard when he's sitting across me, all sad and everything. Then there's his big plan for the weekend, pff. Another sign that something is off. He's going to "intoxicate" himself (his words) with a friend. It would be normal for anybody else, but I happen to know he didn't get drunk since his engagement ended. I mentioned he said he wasn't about to drink at least until next year but he just shrugged, saying change of plans. Yeah, I could tell that.
Then he got in a fight. Some dude picked up on us and Danny lost it. The bouncers came before things could truly got out of hand. However, this was enough for me to be sure something is wrong. Danny stormed out, saying he got enough drama in the last few days, and didn't wanna get in more trouble.
Of course, I was the only one who knew what he meant, at least suspected. I wonder why in hell he got together with Kimi. Last time we talked about it, he didn't want anything serious. Then I figured, at least I think so. I'm not the only one with the savior complex. I've got a feeling Danny boy only got together with Kimi because he felt sorry for her. She looked so lost. She's the kind of girl who can't deal with the world alone, need someone to be there for her. I happen to know Danny's a good guy even if he hides it quite well. Underneath all the cockiness and sarcasm there's a caring, sensitive man who's got a sore point for girls like Kimi. I guess he only wanted to help her and he found himself in a relationship. As his friend I could say something, find a way to help him out from this mess he made. However, he didn't ask for my help and I learnt in the hard way not to get involved unless I'm asked. I might be worried about him but not so much to go down that road again. I will just sit there and wait how things turn out, help as much as I can without sinking too deep.

Isn't she all for women?!

Last night's thing was so fucking funny, I decided to write it like a story, it worth it, believe me.
I was cuddled up on Danny's lap as always. I sensed something was off with him but I didn't ask, I knew he would share if he wanted to. Plus, he acted weird for a few days - he hugged me too much, even if we always touched each other someway, he wasn't the hugging for nothing type - and when I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he answered not yet. So I decided to just leave it and given that I was quite bored I thought the best way to change that was to annoy him.
He's insanely ticklish, what I use against him often. In attempt to chase my boredom away, I tickled him. The only reaction I got was a sigh and my hands being pulled back. He was no game, what was again strange. The devil in me couldn't let it pass. I wanted to push, wanted to know what the hell was going on with him and I was restless. Since he still held my hands in a tight grip, I bit him.
"You just can't stand me being calm, can you?" He laughed at me finally, letting go of my wrists.
"You are no fun when you are calm," I laughed as well, snuggling on his lap.
"I've got something to tell you," he looked at me seriously.
There we go, I thought as we walked to a quiet little corner. He got together with Jess. It was okay, Jess was a cool girl, I was cool with her. No surprise, they flirted shamelessly. I was ready for this conversation, even waited to get over with this awkward part.
"Shoot," I smiled at him reassuringly, thinking he couldn't surprise me.
"I don't want you to think that I wanted to hide it from you, or that I don't trust you, so it's better if I tell you that Kimi and me, we are dating."
Did I say he couldn't surprise me? The hell, he couldn't. I gasped, my mouth hanging open, standing there like a moron. Kimi? Kimi?!
"Isn't she all for women?"
I wanted to hit him, badly, very, very badly, just punch him on the face. I was so screwed it was joyful to watch. But damn it, Kimi was... Kimi was lesbian, last time I heard. Not to mention her long time girlfriend - they were together for years - died only a few weeks ago. No wonder Danny was one of those guys no woman could say no to (looking like Taylor Kitch should be illegal, also tattoos on a body like that, not to mention a 125cc motorbike) but turning a lesbian... He must be a magician.
"Not that it matters," I laughed, correcting my comment in a blink of a time. "I'm so happy for you two, Kimi is such a sweetheart. And I will behave from now on."
And I even meant that. Kimi was a sweetheart, a little cutie, like a lost puppy, so vulnerable. No wonder why Danny liked her. Also, no wonder why I couldn't hate on her.
"I'd have felt bad if I haven't told you. I'm so happy, you are happy for us," he hugged me so tight I thought he would suffocate me.
I hugged back somehow awkwardly, closing my eyes, inhaling his unique cent. He always smelled like fuel and cinnamon, and man, pure man, gotta tell you, he was intoxicating.
"Of course I'm happy for you, silly. Kimi is such a sweet little thing, she will be good for your aching soul, just like you'll be good for hers."
Pff, it was hard not to say how ridicoulus the whole thing was and that even if I did like Kimi I thought it was interesting that she was already done with mourning. But it wasn't my place, didn't want to look jealous or anything.
"Yeah, we want to keep it low though, for obvious reasons. That's why I didn't tell you before," he explained and I almost said, yeah, probably everyone would wonder what the hell she did but again, I stayed silent.
"Understandable," I nodded, smiling. "Your secret is safe with me. I will keep my mouth shut."
There came the silence. I hated every moment of it, especially because Danny watched me like he could see right through me. It irritated me. I wanted to say something, anything but got no clue what would break the awkward moment.
"You know I'm still here for you, don't you?" He reached for my hand, looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.
This would be harder than I thought... We touched way too much until now, there was always a skin-skin connection when we were together. It just happened this way, that must end.
"Hey, no worries," I laughed at him. "We are friends and just because you are with Kimi, you still will be there for me, nothing changes."
Liar, I thought to myself. Everything changed. No more cuddling, no more teasing, nailing, biting, no more skin to skin fun.
"And if I get a man, I will still be there for you."
"Talking of which," he said casually and I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continoue. "Any plans for that?"
Jealous? Seriously? I almost said "Fuck you" but then thought better of it. I'd been called badass a lot not without a reason. I kept my walls high up and it wouldn't change. I couldn't lose my cool. "Yeah, sounds something like this: Get a man finally, for God' sake," I laughed, leaning against the wall.
"He will be one lucky bastard. You've got plenty to offer for someone who's got enough energy to fight for it and fight you," he laughed as well, watching me intensly.
"Don't know what you mean. I'm easy to be with, peaceful," I smirked.
"Indeed, peaceful," he chuckled, pulling me to his body.
"I knew you would agree," I grinned as we walked back to the others, wondering for how long we could keep up this facade.

PS.: I had a day to think it over and I came to the conclusion to just shrug it off. I like Danny too much to let this interlude ruining our friendship. I can see why he wants to be with Kimi. He needs somebody easy to be with, someone sweet, someone who isn't trouble with capital and that's Kimi, she's a doll. And about his jealousy... He's a man, an alphamale, I got used to this a long time ago. He will learn to deal with my significant other when the time comes.

Shocked out of my... socks

Guess what? Danny's got a girlfriend! Yes, a girlfriend, not just a one night thing, nooo. And I could be the lucky one who get to know it first. Hurray! I know I'm acting like a brat but, damn if it doesn't piss me off. It only makes it worse that the girl is such a cutie, a sweet little thing, so vulnerable, urgh. I can't even hate her!


I was totally and absoulutely shocked. I mean, I knew he flirted shamelessly with Jess and wouldn't have been surprised if they got a thing but Kimi... Kimi lost her girlfriend (yes, people her girlfriend) only a few weeks ago. What kind of person starts a new relationship after a few weeks of their loves death? Oh, yeah, the sweet little one's who can't face the ugly world alone.
Everything was normal. I was snuggled up on Danny's lap, playing, teasing each other as usual when he said we needed to talk. I thought, there we go, he got together with Jess. I was prepared for that with my "oh, she's cool, I'm happy for you" speech but when he said Kimi's name I forgot my happy speech. I stared at him with wide eyes, saying "wasn't she all for women?" Yes, that was rude, and obviously not the way a friend should react but well, that's the truth. Of course, I got myself together in a blink of a time and came up with my oh-so-happy-for-you speech but well, it was awkward. There was hugging and everything. And of course, this is top secret because what would the others think. (You know, her girlfriend died only a few weeks ago!!!) And yeah, we are still friends and all and he doesn't want me to feel like he abandons me, yada yada. Sure, nothing changes, just everything. No teasing, no cuddling, no heated fights... It will be like walking on broken glass, damn it. Did I mention that she's sweet??? Alright, I will take a deep breath and just watch every move I make and I will root for them, I will, really. Danny is a great guy and I understand he wants somebody easy to be with and Kimi is probably the girl who he needs. So I'll be just happy for them.