So at least we're practical enough...

So I talked to Danny. Amazingly, we managed without any of us yelling ugly things at the other, getting distracted by the other's body, even without smartass comments. It was time to come clean. This whole thing, and the way I reacted for him and Jess stucked in my chest. I was so angry that I couldn't breath. I was angry at Danny, Jess and mostly at myself. I was pissed at myself because I knew I could have Danny if I weren't so damn tough, and also because I felt like shit for not being happy for them. Jess is awesome, and I really do mean that and Danny is important for me but the two of them together... I was jealous, I still am but it's different now.
One of Danny's greatest feature is that he knows when to leave me alone. I needed time so I wouldn't bite his throat. Yesterday I went to him. I admit, I missed him and I had such a catastrophical day I knew he would appreciate it.
The elephant was still in the room. It wasn't really awkward, I'd rather say tensed. We were laughing at my clumsiness, talked over his day and all what we normally do but it floated above us mercilessly. Then, only God knows where that came from, I said, "Okay, I guard down. Let's talk." Of course, he was totally shocked, he couldn't say a word for God knows how long, he just stared at me dumbly. But then we talked, no mind games, no walls, no half truth/half lies, just the brutal honesty from both of us. And did it feel fantastic.
Finally, we talked our thing over, cards on the table. That conversation saved our friendship. The thing is, he thinks I would end up hurt if we got together, I think the same, only the other way around, in the end we agreed we would both end up hurt. We are like wounded animals, dangerous to get close to. Danny is the exact same mess as me and if that two would collide... The result is unknown but we both know it wouldn't be pretty. We are both scared of letting the other too close, causing pain to the other, also of getting hurt again. The conslusion was that at least we know we are dangerous.
So that's it, the tale of two cowards. But this, what we have is something meaningful, something rare and we both treasure it, not worth to risk it for the illusion of something bigger, something better what might not be there behind the walls.